


Roleswap AU

by Star_Rod111



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Gravity Falls - Freeform, Multi, RoleSwap Au, Very fluffy, basically relativity falls, lol, there will be lots of shippy stuff later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Rod111/pseuds/Star_Rod111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the summer of 2012, a pair of twins named Stanley and Stanford Pines travel to Gravity Falls to spend the summer at their Great Aunt Mabels' tourist trap, the Mystery Shack. It seems like it's going to be a boring summer until Stanford finds a strange journal with a Pine Tree on the cover. Armed with knowledge of the paranormal, the Stans discover the mysteries of Gravity Falls. ((REUPLOADED SINCE A TALE OF TWO STANS, NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Gravity Falls

"UGGGGGGHHHHH." Stanley Pines made a loud groan as he collapsed into his brother Stanley's lap face first. His face was buried in his twins' thighs but he still continued to moan. "I'm so borrrrreeeeedddddd." He continued, voice muffled. "Are we there yet?"

Stanford Pines rolled his eyes as he put a bookmark in the book he had been reading. Stanley could be so immature sometimes; You'd think he was actually 6 years old instead of twelve. "Yes, Lee, we're almost there. Look, you can see the town coming up down that hill."

Stanley hadn't moved, his face pressing painfully into Stanford's right leg. "What's it look like?"

"Maybe you'd find out if you freaking GOT OFF MY LAP." Stanford gave his brother a light push, successfully getting him off of his lap. Stanley gave a humph that he didn't mean and acted like he was angry, pouting and turning away, crossing his arms. "Fine, Bro-Bro. I can take a hint."

Stanford smiled and rolled his eyes again as he returned to his book. Sure, it would only be ten minutes or so until the bus they were riding reached the little town of Gravity Falls, but a lot could happen in ten minutes. He and his twin would get off the bus, but then what? Their dad hadn't said much before they left to spend summer vacation with some family member, but Stanford may not have been paying attention. He has been known to get so lost in thought that-

"Ford!"

Stanford was brought back to earth with a start. He blinked behind his Wayfer glasses. "Huh?"

His twin pointed out past the bus windshield. "We're here."

Gravity Falls, Oregon was a small valley town with little shops clustered together in a circle surrounded by a large forest. There was one building in those woods farther away from the others- it looked kind of like a tree house but on the ground. Stanford was immediately intrigued. "Hey, Lee. See that brown building in the woods?" The bus was getting closer to the town, making the brown house easier to see.

"You mean that brown smudged-thingy? Bro, that's the Mystery Shack."

"What?"

"Jeez, were you paying attention at all when dad told us about the plans for this summer? That's where we're staying. With our great aunt Mabel, remember?"

Just then the bus stopped by the nearest shop. "All off for Gravity Falls!" The bus driver called. Stanford stood up, pulling on a wheeled backpack and grabbing a duffel bag that read "GLASS SHARD BEACH". Stanley grabbed his suitcase and backpack as well, grinning and running ahead of his brother to get off the bus first.

Only one person stood at the shabby bus stop. It was an old woman, older than 50 but not older than 65, stood straight up with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a light pink fez decorated with a black tassel and a Shooting Star, and a blue pantsuit with a tie that matched her hat. She wore square glasses, which were covered in fingerprints, and, for some reason, glitter.

The woman gave a grin with the siblings got off the bus, taking note of their appearance. She knew she was going to need to know which twin was which.

One kid was slightly taller than the other. He was giving a huge, kind smile that showed silver braces, had traces of freckles on his cheeks, and had the traditional messy Pines hair, though it looked like he attempted (but failed) to tame it. He wore a red and white striped tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up, as well as overalls (with a red Nintendo DS in the pocket, she noticed), and red sneakers. At least this kid looked happy to be here.

The other looked a little more nervous. Observance and intelligence clearly showed in his chocolate brown eyes, which were surrounded by rounded Wayfer glasses. He had freckles as well, but his hair was messier and he didn't seem to have braces like his brother. This kid wore a white tee under his overalls, and light blue converse sneakers. Several books were under his arm; he seemed like a real Poindexter. There was something...off...about his hands... The boy noticed and quickly hid his hands behind his back.

The woman grinned at the pair of twins. "Hey there kids! I'm your Gruantie Mabel!"

Stanley grinned back and cheerfully returned the greeting, while Stanford gave a small smile and raised a brow. "What's a Gruantie?"

"S'Called a Portmanteau. Great and Auntie, y'know? Makes it quicker to say- an' time is money you know!"

"Cool." Commented Stanley. "So are we going straight to the Mystery Shack?"

The woman smirked, nodding. "And you'll be starting work there, too."

Stanford blinked. Work? At a place called the Mystery Shack? For a whole summer? Oh man, was this gonna be a lonnnnggggg summer...


	2. Tourist Trapped- Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the reason The Pine Tree is on the journal is because the Six-Fingered Hand is the author's symbol on the wheel, so that's why its on the cover of the journal. The Pine tree, as Dipper's symbol, would naturally decorate HIS journal.
> 
> Enjoy!

Gruantie Mabel drove a dark blue El Diablo down a dusty dirt road through the Gravity Falls forest, heading towards the Mystery Shack. Stanley looked as bright-eyed as ever, he marveled at how populous and tall the trees were and pointed out every deer or bird he saw to his twin. Stanford had returned to his book, occasionally making a comment on something Stanley had said. Mabel was cheerful, discussing this and that with Lee. The two seemed to get along very well.

After about half an hour, they pulled up to the long-forsaken Mystery Shack. Many signs were hung up, and cheesy tourist attractions were set up along the front yard. There was a large yellow sign that read "MYSTERY HACK" (the S had fallen off).

Gruantie Mabel addressed the place with a flourish, then led the twins inside what looked like a gift shop.

Cheesy merchandise was lined along countless shelves, and kooky attractions were scattered around the somewhat large room. The only large pieces of furniture were a door with the words "Employees Only" written on it, a vending machine, and a counter where someone was seated.

A teenage boy was seated on a stool behind the counter, nonchalantly strumming an acoustic guitar. He hadn't noticed the Pines' arrival, probably because he had earbuds in and might have been playing along to whatever song he was listening to. He dressed somewhat fancily; he wore a light blue blazer with black pants and a short white tie. His hair was unnaturally white, and was gelled heavily to make it swoop to one side. A few small pimples were scattered across his freckled face and he wore a single earring in his right ear- a multicolored star with an eye in the middle.

He subconsciously noticed Mabel's glare and he looked up cheekily. "Hey, Ms. Pines. Who're the munchkins?" His voice had a heavy Texan twang.

He flashed a toothy smile at the Stans and gave a wave. Both of them cheerfully waved back. "I'm Stanley, and that's my bro Stanford!"

"Nice ta meet Ya. I'm Gideon."

He got up and headed for the door, but Mabel wasn't falling for his tricks. "Gideon, did you do ANY work while I was gone?"

"If I say yes, can I leave now?"

"You wanna get paid?"

"I couldn't care less. See Ya, Stans!" He gave another wave, slung the guitar across his back, and headed out the front door with a jingle.

Mabel crossed her arms. "Honestly, I don't even know why I keep him around." She looked around her, apparently looking for something. She then called out: "Hey, Fidds! They're here!" Stanley began to inquire, "Who's-"

He was cut off by the opening of a side door and the arrival of a small boy; he was shorter than the twins, but looked around the same age. He wore a Mystery Shack employee tee shirt and a small metal name tag that read "Fiddleford." He had tousled dark blonde (almost ginger in color) hair, large round glasses, and held both a red screwdriver and a book under his arm.

"Uh... Hi. I'm Fiddleford McGucket. Ms. Pine's handyman." His voice was soft, quiet, and also had a hint of a southern accent.

Stanley grinned, blushing, and introduced himself. Fiddleford gave a kind smile and returned the greeting, while the other Pines boy read the title of the book Fidds was holding. "Under the Red Robe" by someone named Stanley Weyman. Weird. Stanford had never heard of it before.

Fiddleford said hello to Stanford as well, then glanced down and noticed his hands. Ford gave an internal sigh and showed them to the boy. He had six fingers on each hand- it was the cause of a lot of bullying over the years and Stanford had a sinking feeling Fidds was going to react the same way countless people had.

"You're a Polydactyl." He commented quietly.

Stanford looked up and stared. "I thought I was the only one who knew what that meant!"

Fiddleford laughed. "I read it in a book. That's really cool! Stanford, right? I'm Fiddleford."

Stanford grinned and shook his right hand, noticing a large birthmark on his forearm shaped like some sort of constellation.* "Stanford Pines. Pleasure to be working with you."

-pagebreak-

Mabel showed them to a room near her living room, it was large and had many bookshelves and a wardrobe. There was also a blue carpet with a blue design (which Gruantie Mabel picked up and took out of the room, grumbling "I told Gideon to get this thing out of here..").** Both the twins dropped off their suitcases and ran back towards the gift shop, where their great aunt and Fiddleford were standing.

"All right!" Mabel gave a sly grin as she held her hands behind her back, "Someone's gotta go hang up signs in the creepy woods."

"Not it." Said Fiddleford immediately.

"Not it!" Both twins cried, seeming to catch on to what Fidds had done.

"Ah, a tie! Guess I get to choose... Eeny, meenie, Miney, you." She ended up pointing at Stanford, who pouted. "Man..."

Stanley gave a triumphant laugh as Stanford grabbed the signs and the hammer with an internal groan and trudged towards the forest. This summer was going to be so booooorrrrriiiiinnnnggg...

Stanford knocked sign after sign into the trees, the task seemingly taking forever. About twenty minutes later he had only one left, and decided to hang it on a thick-looking Pine Tree near the center of the forest. Held the nail up, and brought the hammer down with a loud metallic CLANG.

Stanford started. Trees didn't make metal-y sounds! He set down the sign and knocked on the tree again with the hammer. The clanging returned, but now that Stanford was paying attention it sounded hollow. Was the tree some kind of hiding place?

He felt the bark until he found what looked like a handle. He pulled it with a grunt- It had rusted away long ago- and saw that the tree was in fact a hiding place for several mechanical levers. He pulled one. Nothing happened.

He pulled another.

This time there was a creaking sound near him. Stanford jumped and looked behind him. A piece of the ground had seemed to open up, revealing a rectangular object coated with dust. A nearby pig squealed and ran out of the way when he saw the boy coming. He picked up the object, blowing the dust off and shooing away a couple bugs.

It was a navy blue journal, torn, yes, but ornately decorated with silver leaf. In the center of the front cover there was a golden Pine Tree with a 3 in the middle. Pine tree? Was that a reference to where the journal had been hidden? Curiously, the boy opened the book.

A monocle and a torn piece of paper were in the inside cover. "Property of-" the rest was cut off. The handwriting was in a somewhat neat print, so it was mostly easy to read. He flipped another page. "My suspicions have finally been confirmed- I'm being watched. I need to hide this book before HE finds it."

Then, in ominous capital letters, were the words

"TRUST NO ONE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * NemoAves made a headcanon that Fids has a birthmark shaped like the constellation Orion on the part of his arm covered by the cast. It is canon here. :D
> 
> ** Yes, the Stan twins share the Body-Switching-Carpet room. I wonder what room is locked away...
> 
> I'm going to be splitting each episode into two chapters, like how there's a commercial break halfway through an episode. Unless the episode is short or straightforward, I'm not entirely sure yet.
> 
> This AU is loosely based off the AgeSwap AU, but I have switched around A LOT of the characters, as well as their ages.
> 
> Well, please tell me what you thought! R&R!
> 
> Expect more soon!
> 
> -StarRod


	3. Tourist Trapped- Part Two

"HALLO!"

Stanford jumped in shock, fumbling with the journal, and looked around in suprise. He huffed in annoyance when he saw the source of the noise.

"Wha- STANLEY!"

Stanley laughed. "Whatcha readin', some nerd thing?"

"Uh, what? No! No, I-it's nothing."

"'I-It's nothing!'" Stanley giggled as he teased his brother, feigning terror and imitating his squeaky puberty voice. "What, are you seriously not going to tell me?"

Stanford bit his lip and held the journal closer to him as he thought, trying to reach a final descision. He was interrupted, however, by that incompetent pig from earlier; It was now attempting to chew his pant leg.

"Let's go somewhere private."

-pagebreak-

The twins were sitting on a porch swing just outside the Mystery Shack, Stanford gushing over the Pine Tree-clad journal.

"It's amazing!" Stanford cried, holding up the crimson book so that his brother could see. "According to this book, Gravity Falls has some kinda secret dark side."

Stanley's eyes widened in awe. "Woah. Shut. Up." He said, amazed.

Stanford's eyes grew misty in wonderment as he flipped the pages with his six-fingered hands. "And get this - after a while, the pages just...stop. It's so cool and mysterious! I wonder who wrote it-" he was cut off by Stanley, who had flipped the pages back and paused on a particular page.

He laughed. "Ford, lookit this!"

Stanford turned his attention away from a cluster of trees, where he swore he could've saw several pairs of eyes...

It was the page on gnomes. Stanley read it out loud, holding back a laugh. "Little men of the Gravity Falls forest. They can be extremely dangerous when messed with, and their teeth are remarkably sharper than you would think." He stopped and laughed again. "Dangerous? How?! Lookit those little legs! How could they possibly hurt anybody?

And look, they've got the STUPIDEST weakness!" Stanley turned the book around so that his brother could see. "I think that book's feedin' ya info as fake as the Thighclops, Broseph."

The younger Stan gave a humph. "Sure, whatever, but I'm keeping it anyways. It's interesting."

Stanleh gave a sideways grin, holding back laughter, and stood up. "Whatever." He commented offhandedly. "I'm gonna go exploring in the woods. Maybe I'll see a vampire!" He chuckled and left for the forest, the part near the cemetery. After a minute or two of flipping through the journal, Stanford followed, leaving the journal in the bedroom the twins now shared.

-pagebreak-

Stanley was walking nonchalantly throught the deeper section of the woods, looking for an easy tree to climb. Having lived almost all of his life in the sandy town of Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey, he hadn't ever really climbed a tree before. He finally found a tree with low, sturdy branches, and grabbed a branch, preparing to swing himself up.

He stopped at a noise, hastily turning around to see a tall figure in a dirty black hoodie. There was even a stick sticking out of the hood.

"Um.. Hi.." Lee began, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He slowly turned back around, directing his attention away from the strange teenager.

Bad idea. Stanley heard a swoosh behind him and he swung his head around and screamed, but something hit him in the forehead, which is when everything went black.

Stanford jogged up just in time to see the dirty teenager tie his brother up with a rope up and drag him away.

He ran back to the Mystery Shack as fast as his legs could carry him.

-pagebreak-

Stanford hastily grabbed the journal from the desk and flipped through it, walking into a room solely lit by a red window with a triangle on it. He sat down on the nook, searching for a particular entry he swore he saw earlier.

"Come on, come on.. I know it's in here somewhere..."

He paused on a page with a gasp, seeing a dark picture drawn with a haggard figure.

"What if that guy was a- ZOMBIE!?"

Stanford yelled this in fear, then clapped a hand over his mouth. Upstairs, Grauntie Mabel, who had been looking at her reflection in a mirror, started.

"Wha- Crombie? Huh? Issat even a word? ...You're losing your mind..." She mumbled to her reflection.

Meanwhile, Stanford was anxiously running his hands through his untidy hair. "Aw man, I gotta tell someone... Lee needs my help... But who's gonna believe me?"

"It's a dilemma to be sure." Said a soft southern accent from across the room.

Stanford jumped then swung his head around, "Ahhh! Oh, Fidds, you scared me." Fiddleford was standing on a rather tall stool and screwing in a lightbulb. He laughed. "Well, I couldn't help overhearing you talking to yourself in this empty room." He cautiously stepped down from the stool and sat next to Stanford. "So, a zombie, huh? How many brains did you see him eat?"

Stanford sighed and shut the journal. "Zero."

Fiddleford chuckled. "No, it's okay; I believe you. I've seen all sorts of crazy things in this town." He shuddered. "Wish I could forget some of it..." He mumbled to himself.

Stanford looked up. "What?"

Fiddleford sharply changed the subject with a "Nothing!

...Anyway, you're going to have to need evidence. Without it, people are going to think that you're some kind of major league Cukoo Clock. Trust me, I know from experience."

Stan nodded, standing up and putting the journal under his arm. He adjusted his glasses. "As usual, Fids, you're right. I gotta go save my brother from the zombie!"

Fiddleford smiled and adjusted his round glasses as well, and picked up a toolbox. He began to head out the door, commenting, "My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am needed elsewhere." He playfully grinned and stuck out his tongue, heading out the door.

Stanford gave a fake serious nod and headed towards the outside of the shack.

-pagebreak-

"Gruantie Mabel! Gruantie Mabel!" Stanford called, waving his arms. Mabel was trying to explain the Cornicorn to a group of incompetent tourists, and didn't hear him.

"And here we have our most famous exhibit, a unicorn MADE OUT OF CORN, the Cornicorn!" With a flourish, Mabel drew a sheet from the top of the exhibit to reveal...

A mess of chewed up corn cobs and wires.

"Huh- what? Oh, sweet Sally... DARN PIG! WHERE ARE YOU?!" The pig, which Stanley had affectionately named Waddles, squealed and ran away from the shouting woman.

The tourists, seeing that the prime exhibit was a fake, began to throw down their merchandise and pull pitchforks and torches out of nowhere. The began to form an angry mob, surrounding Gruantie Mabel.

Mabel made an uncomfortable laugh. "Aheheh... Now listen, this is all just a big misunderstanding..."

The toursits didn't buy it and began to yell louder. Stanley jumped up and down, waving his arms wildly, "Gruantie Mabel! GRUANTIE MABEL!"

Mabel sweatdropped, then anxiously called out, "Uh... Miss Mystery is out of the building. Bye y'all! Don't forget to tip your waitresses!" She then threw something down that made a huge cloud of smoke, and ran indoors, locking the door and then barricading it.

Ford ran up to the window, pounding on it with his six-fingered hands. "Gruant ieMabel! Stanley's in trouble!"

Mabel clearly hadn't heard him. "Not now sweetie, Gruantie Mabel's trying to not burn down the shack!" She cried, adjusting her Shooting Star-clad fez.

The boy gave a huff and jogged away, nearly running into a passing Mystery Shack golf cart, driven by one Gideon Gleeful. He parked the golf cart by Stanford and stepped out. "Hey, Stan."

"Gideon! I need your help! Stanley might get eaten by a zombie!" He yelled out, raking his hands through his unkempt hair.

Gideon gave a collected smile, and dropped the cart keys into Stanford's palms. "Try not ta hit any of them pedestrians!" He called, walking away.

Stanford gave a thankful grin and hopped into the golf cart. He started it up with no problem, and was about to drive it into the forest when Fiddleford stopped him.

"Here, ah got Ya this for the zombie." Fiddleford handed Stanley a shovel, which he set in the floorboard of the cart. "Thanks."

"And, uh, I thought this might be useful." The handyman held up a baseball bat. "I dunno what exactly for... mabbe a piñata? Anyways, here."

Stanford raised an eyebrow. "Uh, thanks?" He set the golf cart in reverse and began to drive away. Fidds smiled. "Better safe than sorry!"

-pagebreak-

Stanley regained consciousness to find himself tied up in the middle of the woods, that strange teenager from earlier towering before him. He gulped. The teenager gave a secretive smirk at Stan's fear and he unzipped his heavy jacket.

The clothes fell off the teenager's body to reveal five gnomes, the top one with a brown beard, the gnome at the right leg had a dirty-gray beard, and the other three were plain looking and had white beards.

Stanley gaped at them in shock.

The brunette spoke first. "So, we're gnomes. I'm Jeff, and that's Carson, Steve, and Jason, and that's, uh..."

The gray-bearded gnome shouted, "Schmebulock!"

Jeff nodded and snapped his fingers. "Right, Schmebulock." Jeff's expression deadpanned when he turned to the twelve-year old boy, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Pleasure to meet you, Stan Pines."

Stanley continued to gape and his chocolate brown eyes widened in fear. "W-what do you want with me?" He stuttered out, petrified.

Jeff raised an eyebrow, that sarcastic expression still evident on his bearded face. "We just happened to overhear you making fun of our kind. We're not... Happy... About that. So we're going to keep you here in our kingdom as prisoner until the times get tough enough that we may have to eat you."

Stanley screamed and struggled with the taught ropes. "AUGH! HELP! STANLEY, FIDDLEFORD, GRAUNT MABEL, ANYBODY!"

Stanford heard this cry from not too far away. He accelerated the golf cart and sped towards his brother's voice. "Hold on, Ford! I'm coming!"

Stanford sped past trees and forest animals to come to the gnomes, seeing his twin tied to the ground with nails and rope and the little men surrounding him, just in time to see a brunette gnome inform his twin "The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody!" Stanley yelled and kicked at the gnomes.

"What the heck is going on here?!" Stanford demanded.

Stanley called out, "Poindexter! This guy knocked me out and then he turned out to be gnomes! And they're total jerks who can't take a joke!"

The six-fingered male started and flipped the journal back to the gnomes page. "Gnomes, huh? I was way off... Hmm, their weakness is... Leaf Blowers?"

Stanley struggled with his ropes again. "Oh, COME ON!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, I know I said two parts, but this is already almost 2000 words long. im also sorry I haven't been updating; tumblr and my Mystery Trio AU/Fiddlestan Rolplay blog (Thetrioofmysteries.tumblr.com) have kept me very busy.
> 
> Also, just an FYI: STANFORD DOES NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON GIDEON. They merely respect each other as friends, that's all.
> 
> But, STANLEY does have/develops a crush on someone, but who is it...? Well, you'll find out sometime in the future!
> 
> *Evil laughter ensues*
> 
> -StarRod


	4. Tourist Trapped- Part Three

Stanford set the journal down and held up the shovel threateningly, furrowing his eyebrows. "Let go of my brother!"

Jeff sweatdropped at Stanford's arrival (and at the shovel). "Don't worry, he's not in any danger. ...Okay, that was a lie. He's in danger."

Stanford glared at them and pointed the shovel at Jeff. "Let him go NOW, or else!"

Jeff scoffed and glared back. "You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of! We gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-"

The young gnome was cut off by Stanford casually scooping Jeff up with the shovel and tossing him into a small ravine.

"Aacck!" Yelled Jeff as Stanford cut Stanley out of the ropes with the edge of the shovel. Said twin made various battle cries as he kicked and punched various gnomes out of the way and let Stanford lead him to the awaiting golf cart, where Lee hopped into the driver's seat and Ford took shotgun.

Jeff yelled at the various gnomes. "GNOMES OF THE FOREST, ASSEMBLE!" The gnomes then began to stack on top of one another, all forming one giant gnome. Jeff used two of his fellow gnomes' hats as levers and began to propel the giant forward.

Meanwhile, Stanford whipped his head around to see if any gnomes were following them. So far, they weren't. "Hurry, before they catch up with us!" He cried, turning to his brother.

Stanley scoffed. "Pssh, we'll be fine. They've got those little legs, remember?"

A sudden stomping noise made Stanley stop the golf cart. They both slowly turned around to see a gigantic red gnome, or at least a bunch of gnomes stacked on top of one another, with a fanged red mouth and clawed red hands. The twins both gulped. "Dang." Stanley commented, the element of surprise sinking in as he stared at the giant.

Stanford shook his brothers shoulder as the giant gnome approached them, trying to snap his twin brother out of it. "LEE! HIT THE GAS, YA KNUCKLEHEAD!"

Stanley blinked and almost immediately followed his brother's command, speeding away. Jeff cried out, shaking his fist as the giant continued to walk menacingly towards them, "Come back here with our prisoner!"

"It's getting closer!" Stanford screamed in fear, the gnome contraption raising one of its scarlet fists and throwing some of its kin at the golf cart. The little men snarled and crawled all over the twins and the cart, chewing on the cloth top, or hanging on for dear life at the tailpipe, making loud whining sounds and chomping with sharp little teeth.

Unfortunately, one of the overall-clad gnomes had the bright idea of jumping on Stanley's face whilst he was attempting to drive, the boy screaming and the gnome clawing at every surfaces of Stanley's face it could reach.

"I'll save you, Lee!" Stanford cried, bringing back his polydactyly fists and started to repeatedly punch the little man in the face and chest. The gnome thankfully fell off the other's face and out of the golf cart.

Stanley seemed a little punch-drunk from all the violence. "Thanks, Poindexter..." He said, dazedly. He shook his head violently and went back to steering the golf cart. "Don't mention it, Bro-" Stanford quickly replied.

He was interrupted by the giant gnome again, now using its ginormous arms to lift a huge oak tree out of the ground, roots and all, and heave it as far as he could towards the twin boys. Stanley swerved to avoid hitting the tree, overturning the cart in the process, the brothers crawling out of the mangled golf cart and towards an outside wall of the Mystery Shack. It looked like the mob hunting for their great aunt had finally left, but the doors and windows were still boarded for saftey.

"Stay back, man!" Stanford cried out, throwing Fiddleford's baseball bat at the giant. The red mob flicked it away as easily as you or I would a toothpick.

"Where's Grauntie Mabel?" Stanley asked, with little hope.

Meanwhile, inside the shack, Mabel was showing her two employees a swirly thing on a stick. "Behold, boys, the World's Most Distracting Object!" She announced, pulling a string on the stick and the swirl moved. They all stared at it. "Just try to look away, Ya can't! It's perfect for the rubes! They'll fork over their dough faster than... What was I saying?"

She shook her head and set the swirly-patterned stick down, preparing to restock the gift shop. Gideon and Fiddleford continued to stare at the swirl design.

"It's so weird..." Fiddleford commented, dazedly staring.

"Like hypnotism or somethin'..." Added Gideon.

Mabel turned around and saw her employees continuing to look at the stick. "WITCHCRAFT!" She suddenly yelled, knocking it off the table. She stomped on it. "DIE IN A FIRE!"

They both looked up, startled, then nodded to each other and helped Mabel stomp on the swirly-patterned stick.

*pagebreak*

Stanford and Stanley cowered as the giant gnome lumbered ever closer, Jeff calling down to them from the top of the heap. "Come on Stanley, turn yourself in before we do something crazy!"

Stanley wanted to reply "You're ALREADY doing something crazy!" But instead he solemnly nodded and stepped forward.

"I gotta do it."

His twin started. "Lee, don't do this; Are you crazy?!"

"Trust me."

"What?"

"Goshdangit, Stanford! For once in your life, just trust me!"

Stanford shot a glance at the gnomes, then at his brother, before nodding and silently backing away.

Stanley looked up at Jeff, and wordlessly held up his arms in order for the gnome to handcuff him. Jeff grinned.

"Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason!" The gnome leader cried as he began to climb down towards Stanley, "Thanks, Andy! All right, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike!"

Jeff produced a pair of Crystal handcuffs seemingly out of nowhere, and Stanley bit his lip as he kneeled down for Jeff to cuff him. Jeff closed his eyes in triumph as he leaned forward to complete the deed-

And was met with a face full of leaf blower.

"Ah! Hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! What's goin' on?!" Jeff cried as he was pulled closer and closer to the leafblower. Stanley smirked in triumph.

"That's for being a creep!" He cried as the gnome was sucked halfway into the leafblower. "THAT'S for knocking me out!" He aimed the leafblower at the huge and confused gnome. "And THIS is for messing with my brother!" He yelled. He turned to stanford with a grin. "Wanna do the honors?"

Stanford made an identical grin. "On three!"

They cried out together, both holding the leafblower, "One, two, THREE!"

Jeff was blasted towards his kin, and the giant exploded with little red-capped men flying everywhere. Stanley grinned and blew the other gnomes away while Ford was sure he could hear "I'll get you back for this!" Away in the distance.

Stanley turned to his twin. "Ford, I'm sorry about not believing you earlier. Guess Gravity Falls DOES have a secret dark side..."

Stanford smiled and replied, "It's okay. And come on, don't sell yourself short- You saved our butts back there."

The brother laughed and spread out his arms. "Awkward Sibling Hug?"

"Awkward Sibling Hug."

The two hugged, then walked tiredly into the shack as the gnomes scampered off behind them.

Mabel was sitting at the counter, counting today's earnings, and Fiddleford was carrying a messenger bag and was about to walk out the door. He gaped at the twins.

"What happened to you two? You look like you were hit by a bus!"

"Gnomes." They both replied flatly, and Stanley gave Fiddleford the shovel. "Here Fidds, Ford said it was yours."

Fiddleford smiled, and thanked him kindly. He told the brothers to clean themselves up and get some rest before bidding the Pines goodbye and leaving. Stanley waved enthusiastically and Fiddleford laughed.

Mabel chuckled as she put the money away. "You boys and your overactive imaginations. I love it! ...Hey, boys, Ya want somethin' from the gift shop? It'll be free of charge, ha can get a souvenir or something of that sort!"

Stanley grinned at his great aunt. "What's the catch?"

She laughed. "The catch is ta do it before I change my mind! No go on, choose somethin'!"

Stanford and Stanley looked around the shop excitedly, and soon enough Stanley had found a large Crimson fez with a jet black tassel and a golden claw design on it. He smiled widely and put it on. It felt just right. "That'll do the trick!" He said to himself, posing in the gift shops' mirror.

Stanford was looking intently through a stack of cardboard boxes in the back corner. He opened one curiously and began sifting through it, finally triumphantly pulling something out of the box. "Lee, look! A military-grade grappling hook!"

Mabel furrowed her brows. "Wouldn't you rather have a... I dunno, a Hot Wheels or something?"

Stanford geinned wildly and fired the grappling hook at the ceiling, pulling himself up with a burst of laughter. "GRAPPLING HOOK!"

Grauntie Mabel grinned. "Fair enough!"

*pagebreak*

Mabel Pines checked on her two grand-nephews later that night. Stanford was sitting up in bed, writing something down on a little notepad and smiling at his brother. Stanley was holding a stuffed white rabbit and aiming the grappling hook at a lantern, successfully "turning out the lights."

The old woman chuckled to herself as she walked back downstairs and towards the gift shop, sure she wouldn't be bothered for the rest of the night. She looked around cautiously as she always did, just in case anyone was watching, and punched a code into the vending machine. She stepped inside with another cautious look before closing it shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO! FIRST EPISODE FINALLY COMPLETED!
> 
> Now guess what's next:
> 
> That's right! THE LEGEND OF THE GOBBLEWONKER!
> 
> THANKS FOR READING AND ILL SEE YA SOON!
> 
> -StarRod
> 
>  
> 
> KDQJ RQWR BRXU KDWV- WKH DGYHQWXUHV MXVW EHJLQQLQJ


	5. The Legend of the Gobblewonker- Part One

It was a bright and sunny morning. Both Stanford and Stanley Pines were already up and dressed, and were sitting at the old kitchen table. Stanley had fixed breakfast for the two of them, a special recipe he had egoistically dubbed the "Stancake." But the twins had finished eating, the breakfast dishes cleared away, and now there was something much more important to focus on.

"Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?"

"I'm always ready!"

A syrup race.

Both brunets held up their respective syrup bottles and tried to drip some into their mouths, Stanley with the "Sir Syrup" Brand, and Stanford with "Mountie Man." They both stuck out their tongues as far as they would go, eager to win the race.

"Go, Sir Syrup!"

"Go, Mountie Man!"

The Stans both chanted "Go! Go! Go!" as the drops of sticky liquid slowly inched towards their tongues, and after about thirty seconds Stanley became impatient and tapped the bottom of the bottle, successfully getting a drop of syrup into his mouth. He cheered, but then interrupted himself and collapsed on the table, coughing.

"I *cough* I won!"

Ford laughed and his attention was suddenly attracted by an ad in the Gravity Falls Gossiper, the local newspaper. He made an audible "Whoa..." And motioned for his brother to look at the ad.

Stanley brightened. "Human-Sized Hamster balls?! Hey! I'M human-sized!"

"What? No, no. Lee, look here!" The six-fingered boy pointed to the advertisement next to the one about hamster balls. "See? A monster photo contest with a cash money prize! We could be filthy rich with all the supernatural stuff we see around here!"

"Yeah! Catch a few pictures of some monster thing, and we could have enough dough for a YACHT!" He wrapped an arm around his brother. "Imagine it Ford: You, me, out on a boat, sailin' away and going treasure hunting!"

Stanford's eyes went starry. "Whoa... Hey, we didn't get any pictures of the gnomes, did we?"

His brother shook his head. "Nope, just memories! Terrifying, emotionally and mentally scarring memories..."

Stanford was about to retort when their Great Aunt Mabel walked into the room, still dressed in her pajamas and slippers. "Mornin', Knuckleheads!" She cheerfully ruffled their hair. "Guess what day it is!"

Stanford paused. He was terrible with dates. "Uh... Happy Birthday?" Mabel's birthday was in the summer, right?

"Mazel Tov!" Stanley guessed with a grin. Mabel hit Stanford on the head with her newspaper. "No, it's Family Fun Day, Genius!"

"Huh?"

"We're gonna cut off work and do one of those...Uh, bonding-type deals. Ya know?"

Stanford raised an eyebrow. "Grauntie Mabel, this isn't going to be like our LAST family bonding activity, is it?"

Earlier that week Graunite Mabel had dragged her two grandnephews downtown in the middle of the night, making sure that all of them had dressed stealthily in black. She had armed the three of them with spools upon spools of wooly yarn and knitting needles, and had quickly shown then how to knit before instructing the young boys to knit cozies for the various lampposts and statutes scattered around downtown Gravity Falls. Stanford had remembered giving his great aunt an incredulous look. "Grauntie Mabel, is this legal?"

Mabel had gotten a mischievous look in her eyes that had heavily reminded Ford of his brother. "If the cops aren't around, anything's legal! Now come on boys, knit! KNIT, I SAY!"

Sirens had sounded in the distance, and Mabel had gulped. "Uh oh."

Stanley shivered at the memory. "The county jail was so cold... No way am I ever getting arrested again." He said with finality.

Grauntie Mabel gave a wry smile. "I will not apologize for art."

She then shrugged, leaning on the table and grinning at the twins. "All right, maybe I haven't been the best summer caretaker. But I swear, today we're gonna have some real family fun. Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?"

Both boys cheered. "YAY!"

Stanford then realized what Mabel had just said and slightly lowered his arms. "Wait, what?"

-pagebreak-

The twins sat in the back seat of the old, dark blue El Diablo as Mabel flicked through the radio stations and the car's tires screeched beneath them. The six-fingered twin sighed and muttered to himself as the automobile lurched ahead. "Blindfolds never lead to anything good."

Stanley, on the other hand, took a much more positive approach, and laughed. "Woah, I feel like all my other senses have been heightened! This kinda thing should be like an attraction or somethin'!" He felt his brothers face as he spoke, and Ford laughed again.

At that moment the car swerved several times and the boys were thrown into the car doors, as if they were either on a very curvy highway or that Mabel had lost control of the car. Stanford bit his lip. "Uh, Grauntie Mabel, are you wearing a blindfold too?"

She chuckled, checking her reflecrion in the rearview mirror. "Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be." She squinted as she looked outside the windshield. "What is that, a woodpecker?"

As Mabel was distracted, the El Diablo swerved again and the Stans found themselves screaming as the car through a wooden guardrail and landed in a ditch.

Luckily, everyone was unscathed, but the navy car was covered in grass stains and had several branches and sticks sticking out of the grill. The car had been parked in a grassy area, and the old woman had helped Stanley and Stanford out of the car. She put her hands on her hips and grinned at them. "Okay you two, TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLDS!"

Simultaneously the brunet boys removed their blindfolds and squinted as they got used to the sudden sunlight and stared at...

The lake?

"Ta-Da!" Mabel cried, ezcitedly gesturing towards the lake, "It's fishin' season!"

"Fishing?"

"Whaddya playin' at?" Asked Stanley suspiciously.

Grauntie Mabel's smile shone ever brighter, if that was possible. "Oh cmon, you boys are gonna love it! The whole town's out here!"

She gestured towards the lake again and sure enough, there were lots of little fishing boats dotted along the lake, most with fishing poles or other outdoor equipment. Gravity Falls residents were all running around the sandy beach or relaxing, while Rangers watched from the station by the coast. The Stans blinked, still hot quite sure what to think if their predicament.

Their great aunt smiled down at them. "Oh, don't be such grumpy-grumps! This is gonna be fun!

Ooh, I know what'll cheer you two sad sacks up! Here!"

She suddenly placed something on both the twins' heads. "Pow!"

Stanley and Stanford curiously removed the objects from their heads, and stared blankly at two fishing hats, Stanford's reading "Fordy" and Stanley's "Ley." As he looked it it, the "L" on Stanley's hat fell off. "That's Mabel Pines-quality hand stitching, right there!" She commented cheerfully. "It's just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!"

Stanley froze. "TEN hours?!"

Stanford muttered to his twin, "Yknow, when you said you wanted to get a boat, this isn't exactly what I had in mind." And Stanley shot him a look.

Their Aunt held up a book- "101 Elephant Jokes." "I brought the joke book!~" She said, in a sing-song voice.

"No! NO!" Stanford cried, panicked and gripping his hat for protection. Stanley looked at him apprehensivley. "There has to be some way outta this..."

"I SEEN IT, DOODS! I SEEN IT AGAIN!"


	6. The Legend of the Gobblewonker- Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET READY FOR SMOL MYSTERY TRIO!!!

"HEY, LISTEN! I SEEN IT, DOODS! I SEEN IT AGAIN!"

Heads snapped around as an old man sprinted quickly past the lake coast. Stanford and Stanley stared, while others rolled their eyes and Mabel had an almost pitying expression. The man was old, and looked like he had once been husky but had the build of someone who lost a lot of weight in a very short period of time. His clothes were old and dirty, a large, dark green question mark decorated his tattered olive shirt, and his maniacal brown eyes were crazed and unfocused.

"THE GRAVITY FALLS GOBBLEWONKER! IT MADE A TOTAL SCRAP PILE OUTTA MY BOAT AND THEN SCRAPDOODLED AWAY!"

He began to dance crazily, it looked kind of like the robot. Stanley grinned, somewhat uncomfortably. "Hey look, he's doing a happy dance!"

The man yelled again. "NOOO! ITS A DANCE OF GREAT DANGER! I HAVE FURY!"

"Hey, hey!"

Another man stepped out from a nearby ranger station. He looked kind of similar to the deranged man yelling before them, but held a spray bottle menacingly and wore a well-worn look of deep exasperation, along with two piercings in his left ear and a name tag on his shirt- "Reggie."

"What did I tell you about scaring away my customers, cuz?! This is your last warning; now get outta here!"

"But I have proof! Actual proof that could be presented in a Phoenix Wright case!"

The man ran towards the dock of the lake, pointing dramatically at a bunch of broken wooden boards that had once been an old rowboat.

"BEHOLD! LOOK AT THAT MESS! AND THEN THAT FLIPPING ZORA CREATURE SHIMSHAMMED AWAY TO SCUTTLEBUTT ISLAND FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY 'CONGLATURATION!'"

Reggie made an angry noise and began to chase the man away, who whimpered as he was sprayed with the water bottle. But he did turn around to remark, "I'll run.. you gonna chase me? You run.. Am I going to chase you? Change your perspective, and reality changes..."

Everyone except the three Pines pointed and laughed at the man, and Reggie turned around and hung his head in shame as he walked back to the ranger section. The crazed man looked at the ground dejectedly.

"Aw, Yoshi spittle... No one ever believes me..."

Mabel blinked and in a split second her bright grin returned. "Well, that happened. Now who's ready for some fishing?!"

But Stanford's mind was already reeling at the thought of the Gravity Falls Gobblewonker. "Lee, did you hear what that old dude said earlier?"

His twin's brow rose in confusion. "'Aw, Yoshi spittle'?"

"Nonono, that other thing, about the monster! Imagine if we got a picture of that lake monster- we could get filthy rich and buy that yacht!"

Lee geinned and his eyes went starry in amazement. "And we could go monster huntin' and go lookin' for treasure on the open seas and everything! Stanford, I am one MILLION percent on board with this!"

The six-fingered male nodded, adjusting his glasses, and then turned to his great aunt. "Grauntie Mabel, change of plans! We're gonna take that little rowboat over to Scuttlebutt island and find that Gobblewonker!"

Both boys gave identical adventurous grins and cheered. "MONSTER HUNT! MONSTER HUNT!"

The crazy old man from earlier suddenly run up beside them. "Monster Hunt! Monster..."

The Stans just stared at him. He looked down dejectedly. "Sorry doods... I'll go..."

Suddenly, a boat pulled up near the dock of the lake with a loud honking noise, and an excited and familiar southern accent greeted the twins. "Did ah hear somethin' about a monster hunt?"

Stanley grinned. "Fidds!" They fist-bumped with matching grins. He looked up at the shorter boy in amazement. "Where did you get this boat? And how are you able to drive it around? You're not old enough for a boating license..."

Fiddleford laughed, causing Stanley to chuckle lightly, face red. "I built it myself, actually. And you'd be surprised at how much I can get away with. I mean, heck, people can marry woodpeckers on this town if they want to!

But I digress. You two could totally use this boat for yer monster huntin', as long as I can come along for the ride! This could be fun!"

Mabel made a "psh" noise from her leaky rowboat and laughed nervously, her excited bluff slipping. "All right, all right, let's think this through. Ya kids COULD go and waste your time with some kid a epic monster-finding adventure, OR you could spend the day and do absolutely nothing besides learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your Great Aunt Mabel!"

Stanley gave his twin brother a look. He was already standing next to the handyman on the boat. "I dunno about you Poindexter, but I'm with Fiddleford."

Stanford grinned excitedly as he climbed up the ladder to the other awaiting preteens, who cheered and started up the boat. "We made the right choice!" "Yes!" "Woohoo!"

"So, Whaddya-"

Mabel opened her eyes wih a grin, expecting to see her great nephews standing impatiently in front of her, but her smile faded into a sad frown as she found herself alone. She then put on an angry expression, stomping her foot. "Ingrates! Ah, who needs 'em anyways?! I'll find my own fishing buddies if it kills me!"

Back on Fiddleford's boat, Stanford posed dramatically, one hand in a salute and a foot on the front guardrail. He pointed at Fiddleford. "Lift up the anchor!" Fiddleford did so, using a chain to lift up a handmade anchor.

"Raise the flag!" Stanford called again, and Stanley smiled widely as he held a beach towel with a smiling sun on it into the wind.

Stanley smiled hopefully as he looked ahead at the creepy island. "We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!"

Ford agreed with a laugh. "We're gonna win that photo contest!"

Fiddleford, who had been smiling along with the twins, suddenly stopped. "Did either of you bring sunscreen?"

Ford blinked. "We're... We're gonna go get sunscreen!" He called as the boat turned around and speeded towards the dock.

-pagebreak-

Fifteen minutes later, Stanford was ranting and pacing across the deck of the boat, and were watched with interest by Stanley and Fiddleford. "Alright, men. If we wanna win this contest, we've gotta do it right. Think. What's the number one problem with most monster hunts?"

The blond's eyes grew wide. "You're a side character and you die within the first five minutes of the movie. Wait, am I a side character?! Do y'ever think about stuff like that?!"

Stanley smiled reassuringly. "Nah Fidds, you're like the sidekick. I'm the adventurous jerky hero with a heart of gold, Ford's my nerdy partner in crime, and you're the genius inventor guy that makes the cool gadgets!"

Fiddleford looked awed, eyes starry. "Whoa, really?~"

Stanford snapped his polydactyly hands. "Guys, focus! It's camera trouble! Okay, let's day we see Bigfoot. Fidds, can you be Bigfoot?"

Fiddleford struck a pose, and Stanord put on a mock acting voice. "Oh look, it's Bigfoot!" He then pretended to pat himself down as if looking for something. "Uh oh, no camera!" He then pulled a camera out of the insdie of his soil brown jacket. "Oh wait, here's one!" He held it up to take a picture. "Uh oh, no film- You see? See what I'm doing here?"

The other two nodded. "Oh yeah, you've got a point, bro."

Ford grinned, almost maniacally. "That's why I bought SEVENTEEN disposable cameras! Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one in my back pocket next to my lucky notepad! There is no mathmatically feasible way that we can miss this! Alright guys, let's test these babies out!"

Stanley tried to take a selfie with his camera, but the flash startled him. "HOLY MOSES!" He threw the camera overboard by accident. Stanford looked at the shorter blond. "See, that's why we have more! We still have sixteen!"

Suddenly a seagull swooped low over Fiddlefords head. "AHH! A bird!" He threw a camera at it. Stanford sighed heavily and pitched the bridge of his nose. "Guys, PLEASE try not to lose anymore cameras..."

Stanley held a couple more of the cameras over the edge of the ship. "Wait, did you say lose more cameras?"

"NO! DONT LOSE YOUR CAMERAS!"

"Don't lose them?" Fiddleford scratched the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly. "I, ah, accidentally threw two more overboard."

Stanford made an exasperated noise. "Thirteen! We still have thirteen-" he interrupted himslef, bringing his fist down in a barrell of fish food, accidentally crushing yet another camera. His expression didn't change. "Twelve. We still have twelve cameras."

His brother cocked his head in confusion. "So what's our plan, Broseph? Throw more cameras overboard?"

"NO! No! Okay. You.. You just be lookout, Fidds can steer the ship towards ohr destination, and I can be the captain."

The other two boys looked at him. "Wait, why do you get to be captain?" Stanley asked. "What about Stanley, huh? STANLEY! STANLEY! STANLEY!"

"No, you don't get to be captain!"

"Well, what about co-captain?"

Stanford sighed. "Lee, there's no such thing as co-"

There was a small splash as Stanley tossed another camera overboard. "Ah, whoops."

Stanford went pale. "AAAHH! FINE! YOU CAN BE CO-CAPTAIN!"

Fiddleford raised a hand. "Can I be associate co-captain?"

"As co-captain, I authorize that request!" Stanley grinned and nudged Fiddleford, who laughed lightly.

Stanford snapped his fingers again. "Well, as first co-captain, our first order of business is to lure the monster out with this barrell of fish food!" He gestured to the barrell that he had accidentally crushed a camera on several minutes before.

Stanley and Fiddleford looked at the barrell. Stanley grinned at the handyman. "Dude, dare you to eat some."

"I will if you will!"

They both pulled a single piece of fish food out and looked at it, both clearly regretting this decision but not wanting to back out of a dare. "On three, okay Fidds?"

"One, two, three!"

They both flicked out a tongue and licked it, then gagged. "Ack! Ugh!" Stanley hrriedly wiped his tongue while Fidds threw his piece of fish food overboard. As soon as the fiasco was over all three of them laughed.

Mabel watched them bitterly. "Traitors. Well, I'm such a great and outgoing person , 'm sure to make friends with someone! Right?"

She then sped her little boat over to a couple. A man turned away from the woman seated across from him, who was watching some birds fly by lazily, and he took a box out of his pocket. He took a deep breath, opening the box and glancing at the golden ring before turning to the woman he loved. "Rosanna?"

"Yes, Reginald?"

"Well, now that we're alone, there's a burning question in my heart that I've been longing to ask of you."

"Oh, Reginald!"

The moment was ruined when Mabel came speeding up. "Hey lovebirds, Ya wanna hear a joke?"

They said nothing.

"Okay, here goes. Why was the pelican kicked out of the restaurant?"

Neither of them replied, a little annoyed that the woman had bothered them at such a personal moment and that she didn't seem to notice and/or care.

"'Cause he had a very big bill! Get it!? Hahahaha!"

She laughed heartily before noticing the boxed ring. She made a squealing noise, which caused the couple to cover their ears. "Oh my gosh! Are you gonna get married? What's the dress like? Is there a theme? CAN I COME?!"

Reginald huffed and sped him and his lover away, leaving Mabel by herself once again. She looked at the couple that was now a long distance away confusedly.

"What?"


	7. The Legend of the Gobblewonker: Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP HOW ABOUT THAT NEW EPISODE
> 
> GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY ITS ALL GONE TO SHIT

Stanley Pines rested his chin in his hand as he leaned against the rail of Fiddleford's boat, daydreaming. His chocolate brown eyes were half-lidded, and he kept nodding off for a second before jerking back to reality again. 'How long was it going to take to get to Scuttlebutt Island anyway?' He thought bitterly. He sighed. 'Well, as long as I have a bit of time alone, might as well daydream about-'

"Hey! aren't you supposed to be keeping lookout?"

Stanley jumped in surprise and hurriedly turned around. His twin brother Stanford was looking at him incredulously, an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed. Stanley quickly blushed before grinning widely, pulling a volleyball seemingly out of nowhere and yelling "LOOK OUT!" before throwing at at him. Stanford cried out and rubbed his arm.

"Ow! Hey!"

Stanley laughed. "No but seriously, I'm on it."

The boat jolted to a sudden stop, having crashed onto the shore of the island. The boat shook, but thankfully didn't break or start sinking. Stanley beamed at his brother. "See? We're here! I'm a lookout genius!"

The trio disembarked the ship, Stanford holding a lantern and Stanley helping Fiddleford down, before sticking close as they stared at Scuttlebutt Island. It was not a particularly large island, but it had the look of a place that you would very easily get lost in and never find your way out. Tall trees were everywhere, and a thick mist covered the island like a thick blanket. It was also eerily cold, and Stanford swore that he heard some kind of monster noise off in the distance. Gulping, the three twelve-year olds cautiously made their way into the island.

A short time later they came across an old wooden sign nailed to a tree which read "Scuttlebutt Island." Stanley snickered and covered the "Scuttle" part of the sign up with his arm.

"Hey Fidds, look. Butt Island~"

Fiddleford laughed and lightly punched Stan on the shoulder. "Stanley Pines, you rapscallion!"  
The two giggled immaturely until Lee noticed his twin's apprehensive expression. "Hey Poindexter, why aren't Ya laughing? Are you scared?" He asked with a smirk.

Stanford laughed anxiously and looked away. "Pssh, what? Yeah, right! I'm not-"

"Yeah Ya are! Scaredy-cat!" Stanley grinned and poked his brother in the stomach, blowing a raspberry.

"Hey! Stop! Lee! Ahh!" Stanford kept crying out in light annoyance as Stanley kept poking him and blowing raspberries, and Stanley had intended to keep it up for at least a minute before he was interrupted by a loud growling noise. Fiddleford let out a small, scared whimper.

"D-did you two h-hear that?"

Lee nodded, apprehensive. "What was that?" He turned to the smallest boy. "Was that your stomach?"

Fiddleford crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "No Stanley, my stomach usually makes whale noises." He said sarcastically.

Stanley raised a curious eyebrow. "What, really?"

"N-no, I was being sarcastic." He laughed lightly. "Guess I need ta work on that, huh?"

While they were bantering, a possum ran up to Stanford out of the mist, grabbing the old lantern he had held with his teeth and scampering off. The six-fingered twin let out an aggravated noise.

"Aww, it got our lantern! What are we gonna do now?!"

Fiddleford bit his lip. "St-Stanferd, are Ya about this? Maybe.... Maybe this isn't worth it." Said blond looked at them both nervously, wringing his hands together and unconsciously hiding the Orion birthmark on his forearm. His bright blue eyes were wide in nervousness behind his large circular glasses, and he looked even smaller than he was in the spooky mist. Stanley opened his braces-filled mouth, about to agree with the handyman and leave treasure hunting for another time, but Stanford seemed undeterred as he grinned at them, his expression unchanging.

"Not worth it? Fidds, imagine all the stuff we could do with $1000 in prize money!"

Fiddlefords eyes widened once more and he raised an eyebrow in surprise. "A cash prize? Huh... Well.... I guess we could try..."

Stanley looked at him concernedly. "Are you sure, Fidds?"

The other nodded. "Yeah, let's do this! Let's get that Gobblewonker!"

Stanley soon grinned again. "YEAH! We'll get him for sure- we're the bravest, coolest, most awesome monster hunting team there is! We are-"

Stanford facepalmed. "Oh MOSES no, not another stupid nickna-"

"-THE MYSTERY TRIO!!!"

"STANLEY NO"

"STANLEY YES"

-pagebreak-

The three twelve-year-old boys walked in a single file line through the woods of Scuttlebutt Island, Stanford keeping a disposable camera at the ready, Stanley attempting to rap, and Fiddleford reluctantly beatboxing for him. He wasn't very good at it, but fortunately neither was Stanley at rapping.

"My name is Stanley!  
It rhymes with Manly!  
It also rhymes with... Handy!  
It also rhymes with... Cranley!"

Fiddleford laughed. "We should be writing these down so we can release our masterpiece to the public." 

Ford suddenly stopped and stuck out his hand, stopping the two behind him. He looked ahead with increasing excitement. "Guys, did you hear that?" Another growling noise could be heard, closer and louder than before, and it startled a flock of birds. They looked like crows; they flew away from the growl with startled caws and looped around in a tight circle before flapping their wings and flying away, leaving a few jet black feathers to float aimlessly to the ground below. The three looked up for a moment, anxiousness slowly filling Stanley and Fiddleford.

Stanford was already twenty steps ahead of them. He smiled back at his companions, adjusting his Wayfer glasses. "Hey, did you know that the proper name for a flock of crows is called a murder?"

Stanley gritted his teeth. "THANKS, Poindexter. I REALLY needed to hear that right now."

A deep growl suddenly thundered around them; a deep throated noise that was rough and edgy. Stanford was practically jumping up and down in excitement. "This is it! This is it!"

His brother gave an identical grin and turned to Fiddleford. "You ready, Fiddlesticks?"

Fiddleford's brow was furrowed in anxiousness, but he took on a determined expression as he reached down and grabbed a large pointed stick off of the forest floor, holding it close to himself protectively like a spear. He nodded.

"Okay. Let's go."

Stanford had raced up ahead, ignoring the possibility of getting eaten by a lake monster, so Stanley and Fiddleford walked side by side. After a few seconds Fiddleford finally spoke again.

"...'Fiddlesticks'?"

-pagebreak-

The trio cautiously walked single file, one after the other, through the thick fog that surrounded the woods of Scuttlebutt Island. A large pond soon came into view through the thick mist, and Stanford stopped the group when he saw a humongous silhouette, one that looked just like the old man's description of the Gravity Falls Gobblewonker.

The trio hid behind a log almost in unison. Both Stanley and Fiddleford turned to Stanford, who was gripping a disposable camera and furrowing his brows in thought (or concentration, it was hard to tell which). 

After a few seconds of intense thought, Stanford turned to his companions. "We run out and take as many pictures as we can on three, okay?"

The other two nodded and turned their cameras on.

"Ready? GO!"

The trio ran with their cameras at the ready, Stanley and Fiddleford yelling as they snapped pictures of whatever was in front of them, but stopped after they processed what was actually standing before them.

It was the remains of an old boat, covered with beavers. Stanley made an "aww" sound. "They're so cute!~ look at their little arms!!~"

Two beavers chittered happily while another thumped its tail on the boat and fell off. Yet another was chewing on a bloodstained chainsaw, which occasionally made the hoarse growl the monster hunters had heard prior. Stanford sighed.

"Maybe that old guy was just crazy all along."

"He DID use the word scrapdoodle..."

Stanford sat down on a rock and sighed, looking out onto the fog-covered pond. "What is Grauntie Mabel gonna say? We ditched her over nothing!" He made an irritated noise and threw a small stone into the water, but his eyes widened in shock as the rock he was sitting on began to shake. "Guys, did you feel that?" As he spoke, the rock sank into the murky depths, and Ford had to swim back to shore, his brother pulling back onto the back. Just as the polydactyl turned around he saw the silhouette of the real Gobblewonker swim away. He grinned, almost fanatically.

"Come on guys, this is our chance!"

He turned back to his friends to realize that they were gaping at something else behind him, Fiddleford and Stanley clutching at each other in horror as they stared at something in from of Ford. Stanford, oblivious, raised a curious eyebrow.

"It's not that hard, Ya knuckleheads. All Ya gotta do is point and shoot. Like this!"

He turned around, but dropped his camera in shock when he saw himself face to face with the Gobblewonker.

As soon as Fiddleford had cried "RUN!" The trio sprinted back towards the boat as fast as their legs would carry them.

-pagebreak-

"GO BOTHER YOUR OWN KIDS, OLD WOMAN!"

Mabel Pines sighed as she quietly sped her boat out further into the lake, away from all the other denizens of Gravity Falls. She bit her lip as she glanced down at the lake water, as if looking to her watery reflection for help. Then, as if on instinct, she took a worn hair tie from around her wrist and subconsciously tied up her hair and hid it underneath her hat, making it look almost like her long, silver hair was in some sort of messy pixie cut. She then turned and rested her chin in her hand as she stared wistfully at this short-haired reflection. "What in the world am I gonna do?" She asked in a quiet murmur. "I'm all alone... Again.... And I'm sick of it. I just want someone to talk to besides by own goshdarn relfection; why won't even my grandnephews talk to me!?"

Her reflection didn't respond, so the old woman merely sat there, tears filling her eyes as her lonesomeness overtook her. She stared at the glittering water with a bitter nostalgia.

-pagebreak-

Stanley Pines was running for his life.

He was sprinting as fast as he could go, pulling his twin brother along behind him, dodging trees, lunging to make sure no one would get squashed by falling Pine Trees, and using pure adrenaline and his athletic skills from boxing to run ahead of the incoming beast and pull Stanford and Fiddleford back onto the boat. Stanford let out a disappointed noise, even as the Gobblewonker was chasing after them.

"This lens is cracked! Hot Belgian Waffles, can't anything go right today? Fidds, try and nab a photo!"

Fiddleford was busy attempting to throw cameras at the monster in hopes of driving it off. Stanford cried out in shock. "Fiddleford! What are you doing?!"

The shortest boy stopped, the last camera still held in his small palm. "Oh! Here, I've still got one left!" He threw it at Stanford for him to catch, but it broke as it hit the sides of the boat.

Stanford was about to hell at him when the Gobblewonker dived into the lake and began to chase them. Fiddleford cried out and raced to the hull of his small boat, successfully starting the engines and beginning to speed away from the lake monster.

"Go go go go go!" Stanford yelled, six-fingered hands gripping the handrail as he stared, frightened, at the incoming monster. Fiddleford's expression became more determined as he sped up the boat, the Gobblewonker still behind them.

Meanwhile, Mabel sat in her small little boat, her hair back in its normal style, face set in concentration as she tried to thread a fishhook. She made a noise of triumph as the line finally went through-

A sudden large splash hit Mabel and her boat. She turned around quickly to see Fiddleford and the twins yelling as they were speeding through the water. Fiddleford whipped around with an apologetic expression. "Sorry, Ms. Pines!"

"FIDDS! BEAVERS!"

Fiddleford cried out in shock as beavers started to take over the ship. Many were chewing on or destroying equipment that he had spent hours inventing and fixing, and two were taking turns chewing the cuffs off Stanford's pants while another bit Stanley's arm. He winced and punched the thing off.

Something pulling on the young handyman's too-large shirt made him look down. A beaver had decided to get cocky and, with the help of another beaver, they were tearing his Mystery Shack shirt to streamers. He yelled, pushing them away. "Hey! Get off! This shirt is MINE!" 

The Beavers took no notice of him and the larger one successfully tore Fiddleford's shirt off, causing him to cry out and blush, covering his pale, skinny midriff. He then scowled. "Alright Ya varmint, C'MERE!"

He dove and caught the thing and tossed it overboard, and his companion soon followed. Stanley had just punched the last beaver off the boat and onto the depths of the lake before rushing to the hull. He grabbed ahold of the wheel and tried his best to steer the boat, swerving to avoid rocks and fishermen. He gripped the wheel tighter. Why did he always end up in situations like this?

"FORD, WHERE DO I GO?!"

"Uh....." Stanford adjusted his Wayfer glasses and flipped theough the journal. "Go through the falls! I think there might be a cave behind there!"

Stanley cried out as he turned the boat towards the falls with a swerve. "MIGHT be?!"

All three of them screamed as the boat sped through the falls, successfully getting them soaked, until what was left of Fiddleford's boat crashed into the dirt of the cave behind the waterfall. The Gobblewonker, sill on their tail, went through the falls as well....

...successfully getting its large body stuck in the cave entrance.

Stanley looked up at gaped at this sight. "It's... It's stuck!"

Stanford punched the air with a grin. "Ha ha! Yeah! Wait, it's stuck?!" He frantically searched his jacket pockets for a camera, but finding none. He was just beginnig to panic when Stanley gave him an eye roll and commented, "There's one next to your lucky notepad, remember?"

The polydactyl breathed a sigh of relief as he finally pulled the last camera out of his back pocket and jumped up and down happily as he took snapshot after snapshot, laughing. Stanleh grinned. "Did Ya get any good ones?"

"THEYRE ALL GOOD ONES!" Ford cried out in glee as Fiddleford sat up with a groan. Stanley helped him up and gave him a concerned look. "What happened to your shirt?"

Fiddleford gritted his teeth. "Beavers." 

Stanford chuckled lightly as Stanley immeadiately took care of his friend's problem by taking off Ford's jacket and handing it to the shortest boy. "Here, put this on."

The southern boy gave him a thankful smile. "Thank Ya kindly, Stanley."

He was met with one of Stanley's more playful smirks. "No prob, Fiddlesticks."

They grinned at each other before another one of the Gobblewonkers roars echoed theough the small cave, snapping them both back to reality, and a rock fell on its head. Electricity sparked and the golden glowing eyes flickered out as the head snapped off, revealing robotic parts. They all gaped at it.

"Fidds...?" Both boys looked at him. Fiddleford sighed, almost exasperatedly.

"I didn't build it, Stanferd. But I think I know who did." He replied determinedly before walking over and climbing on top of the robotics back. Stanley called out for him to be careful as Fiddleford opened up a hatch near the monster's spine, and slowly opened it, the twins climbing up behind him. All three of them gasped.

"Old Man Ramirez?"

The crazed old man from earlier was singing a little ditty to himself as he punched buttons and worked levers. He looked up, noticing the trio for the first time. "Do do do do do... Hey, wha-? Awww, Quickscopes!!" 

Stanford raised a brow in confusion. "Huh? YOU!? What- what were you-? You made this? Why?"

The old man turned around completely, sorrow in his big brown eyes. "Well, I just.... I just wanted attention."

Stanley made a pitying noise. "Oh, you poor man! But, why?"

Old Man Ramirez but his lip, turning a red screwdriver over in his hands. "No one sees me. No one bothers me. No one expects anything of me. It's like a dream.

My own cousin hasn't said a kind word to me in years, dood. So," his sad frown was replaced by his usual manic grin, "I figured I'd catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robut!!!

And well, when Ya get Ta be my age, you don't know what kind of measures you'll go to to spend time with your family. It's awful, being alone."

Stanford and Stanley looked at each other guiltily, both thinking of Mabel. She had just wanted to spend time with them, and they just pushed her away. They felt awful. 

Both twins simultaneously knew what they had to do.

-pagebreak-

Mabel's boat was nearing the dock. She sighed, running a hand over her face, and wondering how the heck she was going to find the twins. They had just cast her aside, and now she was just too numb about it to actually think of doing anything else but wallow in her own self-pity.

A loud honking noise brought her back to earth. The old woman turned around, surpirsed, at the sight of the young three monster hunters and their torn up scrap pile of a boat. She gaped before snapping out of it and giving them an incredulous look.

"Kids? What're you doing here? I though you were off playing "Spin the Bottle" with Fidds!"

Stanley blushed and Fiddleford hurriedly shook his head no. Stanford coughed, a little awkwardly.  
"Listen Grauntie, we're sorry. We shouldn't have left you all by yourself."

She flapped a hand at them. "Save your sympathy! I've had tons of fun on my own! Fishing, talking to my reflection, doing things that may or may not be illegal, et cetera."

Stanley gave her a small smile, and pulled out his fishing hat, shooting his great aunt a big, braces-filled grin as he put it on. "Then I guess there isn't any room on that boat for us?"

Mabel looked at them in shock. Ford nodded and put on his own hat. Mabel grinned and helped them onto her little rowboat. "Of course there is! I can't do anything fun and/or illegal without you two little gremlins!" And both twins laughed. Fiddleford gave a shy smile. "Well, I guess I'll be goi- YAGH!"

The blond cried out as Mabel pulled him onto the boat as well. "Cmon Fidds, you're comin' too! You're as much family as the Stans are!" She shot him a supportive grin, which was returned by a soft smile from the young boy.

And the four of them had a great time not doing anything life-threatening (for a change). They took pictures with the last camera, fished, laughed, and the three of them even let Mabel bring out the joke book for a short amount of time before forcing her to put it away after the forty-seventh bad elephant pun.

Underneath them, the real Gobblewonker swam menacingly in the murky water below, eating a stray disposable camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND FINALLY DONE! boy, that chapter was a task to write. I think it's my longest one. GEEZ, it might be a little while before I pick this up again for episode three, unfortunately.
> 
> And, as im sure you noticed, Soos talks in almost nothing but video game quotes. I do have a list prepared for future chapters, but I can use all the help I can get. If you have any suggestions for any line Old Man Ramirez could ever use, please drop me a line!
> 
> But thank you so much for reading! Please like, review, etc! See Ya next chapter!  
> -Star
> 
> ILGGOHIRUG KDG OLJKWOB SXQFKHG VWDQOHB LQ WKH DUP RQ WKH ZDB EDFN IRU MRNLQJOB FRPPHQWLQJ WKDW WKHB ZHUH JRLQJ WR QHHG D ELJJHU ERDW.


	8. Headhunters: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW EPISODE AND HOW G R E A T IT WAS
> 
> I AM LITERALLY SHEDDING ACTUAL TEARS RN
> 
> I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN IDEAS FOR MY VERSION OF THE EPISODE AND ITS GOING TO BE REALLY FUCKED UP LEMME TELL YA

It was a normal Thursday morning. Twin brothers Stanley and Stanford Pines were sitting on the floor of the living room of the Mystery Shack, watching a detective show on the old, battered television. Stanley was laying on his stomach, doodling in a small notebook and occasionally glancing up at the show, but Stanford's eyes were glued to the screen, eating popcorn as he watched, transfixed. 

The show they were watching, Ducktective, showed an old-timey constable investigating an unseen dead person behind a phone booth, while a duck wearing a detective's hat was quacking next to him. The constable spoke, and Stanley looked up from his drawing.

"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an acc-si-dent." He annunciated the word "accident" for emphasis when he looked down at the duck. Subtitles appeared on the bottom of the screen as the duck began to quack again.

"An accident, constable? Or was it... MURDER?!"

"What?!" The policeman gaped at the duck as the show cut to commercial, a narrator announcing that Ducktective will be back after these messages. Stanley gasped, starry-eyed. 

"Ford, that duck is a genius!"

Stanley's nerdier brother rolled his eyes behind his Wayfer glasses. "I bet he sees all those clues 'cause he's closer to the ground."

Lee sat up and put his hands on his hips. "Are you sayin' that you could outwit Ducktective?"

Stanford smirked. "Stanley, I have keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell you've been eating..." He sniffed, and a confused look appeared on his face. "...and entire bag of Ghirardelli chocolate chips?"

When Stanford looked back up at his brother, he could see a small smudge of chocolate on his chin and an empty blue bag next to him. He blushed a little, embrarrassed. "What?! I was hungry!"

Stanley blushed harder and hurriedly wiped chocolate from his mouth as one Fiddleford McGucket ran into the room, grinning from ear to ear and his hair and clothes littered with dust. He cried out at them excitedly from the doorway. "Fellas! Come see this hidden room I found!"

The words "hidden room" was more than enough incentive to get all three boys sprinting down the hallways if the Mystery Shack, the twins following behind Fiddleford in a single-file line, until the young handyman stopped at an old, decrepit wooden door and a crowbar wedged between it and the wall, which clearly was what Fiddleford had used to access the room. The handyman in question was already talking a mile a minute about what he had found.

"So I was cleaning up back here, right? And I see this doorknob on the floor by this kinda torn up wallpaper. So after ah go and fetch a screwdriver I put the knob back in and got the wallpaper off- Ms. Pines had already talked about getting new wallpaper anyway- and then I see this crazy mystery door! Ah had to pry the thing open with a crowbar, but I got it open in the end. I haven't seen inside it yet, I was waiting for you two. Ready?"

Fiddleford panted a little bit for breath as the Stan twins gazed, awestruck, at the door. They nodded simultaneously, and slowly, with a long creak, the old wooden door was opened to reveal a darkened room.

The room was filled with art. Not just paintings, although there were many of those, but a variety of sculptures, articles of homemade clothing, and drawings as well. A large shelf in the corner held many different tools and art kits, including a pick and chisel, boxes upon boxes of colored pencils and markers, broken knitting needles, and many things none of the boys recognized. Fiddleford glanced around the the paintings on the wall, flashlight in hand, while Ford took a look at some of the sculptures. Some were headless mannequins that wore sweaters or dresses, and others were wax, stuck on various poses and shaped like famous people. Stanford shivered; he'd never liked mannequins. Especially the ones with no heads.

Fiddleford was about to comment on how real the paintings looked-especially one he saw of a woman dressed in red- when the door to the art room burst open once more and a tall figure with long hair rushed into the room. 

"HELLO!"

All three preteens yelled out in surprise, and Mabel laughed.

"Don't worry! It's just me, your Grauntie Mabel!"

The three boys yelled again. Mabel rolled her eyes. She went on and walked ahead of them, twirling her classic 8-Ball cane and presenting the room at large to them as if it were just another one of her Mystery Tours. 

"Boys, this is- or was- the World Famous Art Studio of Mabel Pines! I used to spend hours down here when I was younger. Paintin' and drawin' and that kinda thing. I was a natural! Then after a while my hands started to shake and stuff whenever I tried to do that sort of thing, so I had to stop. I atill knit all the time, though."

Fiddleford looked up at his boss anxiously. "Y-your hands? A-are you okay?"

Mabel smiled reassuringly and waved it off. "Ah, just a couple heart problems. I'm okay now. Turns out you can't survive for long by just eating Cheese Boodles for days on end and that kinda thing. I'm okay Fidds, nothin' Ta worry about; Promise!"

Fiddleford eventually returned the soft smile and looked around at some of the more unsettling pieces or artwork. "Wow, are all of these yours, Ms. Pines?"

The old woman grinned. "Nah, I got those wax sculptures from a garage sale about fifteen or twenty years ago. And everything else that isn't kept in those boxes or covered head to toe in glitter I got for free from an art museum. Apparently they used to be worth millions, but the artist guy- some square named Weiss Guertena- just gave them to museums for free. And when he died the paintings actually weren't worth much, so I got a handful of em for nothing! People say they cause bad luck or somethin', but I just used em for inspiration at the time."

Stanford shivered again as he glanced back at the headless mannequin. "Are they... Cursed?" He asked, with a small gulp that he hoped no one had noticed.

Mabel laughed and flapped her hand at him. "Heck no! That kinda superstitious poppycock ain't real! The only reason they look haunted is because of the dust and cobwebs! Trust me, once I give Ya the grand tour you'll realize that they're nothing to be afraid of! Now Cmon, I wanna show Ya the wax figures!"

Fiddleford turned to Stanley as they followed the old woman over towards the end of the room, where a small, rectangular window let in a soft speckle of sunlight on a melted wax figure. "Isn't that the kinda talk people give Ya in horror movies right before everything comes Ta life and tries ta kill Ya?"

The brunet give Fiddleford a look. "You try'na jinx us, Fiddlesticks?" He said before adding a playful grin, and the handyman gave a small laugh in reply. Stanley continued to grin as Mabel stopped walking and gestured before an assortment of figures, along with the large blob of wax sitting underneath the open window. Mabel, not noticing this, flashed a toothy smile.

"Boys, may I inteoduce Ya to my favorite figure of them all, wax Abra Lincolnham!"

Stanford cleared his throat. "Don't you mean Abraham Lincoln, Grauntie Mabel?"

"Pssh, that can't be right!" She scoffed before turning around and gasping. "Oh no! Lincolnham! Oh no, who left the blinds open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm lookin' at you!"

Stanley looked down at the glob of wax. "What are Ya gonna do with it? I don't think even Fidds could fix a wax figure..."

He then grinned. "But maybe I can do something with it! Hey, Grauntie Mabel, can I try and sculpt something outta this wax?"

Mabel put a hand to her chin, but smiled. "Sure, sweetie. There are some sculpting tools over on that big shelf on the eastern wall, knock yourself out. ...in the meantime, I'll look through all this stuff. Maybe there's a thing or two I can put up for sale in the gift shop..."

The preteen ran off towards the self and immeaditely filled a bucket with picks and chisels before dashing back to the wax with his notebook and sitting down near it, waiting for inspiration to hit him on what he should sculpt. He bit the eraser of his pencil as he thought. It should be at least relatively easy, he was kinda new to this art stuff...

That was when Mabel made a heroic pose and put her hand in a saluting positron as she squinted into the distance over in a different corner of the room. "Kids, have any of you seen my glitter reserves?"

Stanley gasped, starry-eyed, and began to sketch out a pose in the tiny notebook.

Perfect.

-pagebreak-

Stanley Pines had spent many hours chiseling that hunk of wax into perfection.

He had spent quite a while in that room, music blasting loudly through Crimson headphones, as he sculpted, chiseled, painted, and shaped the wax into the grinning sculpture that now stood, fully completed, in front of Stanford and Fiddleford.

It was a wax statue of Mabel, in her usual "Ms. Mystery" getup, grinning underneath a Shooting Star fez and sending the three boys a thumbs up. Stan grinned proudly, covered head to toe in paint.

"So, Whaddya think?"

His brother smiled. "It's great, Stanley, but one thing... Her hair's a little on the short side, isn't it? It looks more like a pixie cut than her usual hairstyle."

Stanley's smile faltered, but just a little. "Oh, yeah, that. I ran outta wax, so I did the best I could...

...does it still look okay?"

Fiddleford sent Stanley a kind, supporting smile. His southern drawl smooth and almost lulling as he nodded. "It's wonderful, Stanley."

It was then when Mabel Pines herself came into the room, already ranting about something. 

"Well, I finally found the glitter, but now I can't find my-"

She stopped dead when she saw the staue, and screamed, stumbling backwards and clutching at her chest as if she'd seen a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say, I bring a lot of my own personal experiences into this fic, haha. I mean
> 
> A) I once ate an entire bag of Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips in one sitting, and
> 
> B) My history teacher has a rather annoying habit of calling our sixteenth president "Abra Linclonham."
> 
> But I digress. There will be more spookiness to come, I assure you!
> 
> And please make sure to take a look at the forum I made for this Very fanfiction! It'll be under Gravity Falls forums, called "RoleSwap AU Special Features." It's also on my fanfiction dot net profile(username I'mWishingforaStarRod), so you can click there and find the link at the bottom! Please feel free to comment as much as you like!
> 
> Catch Ya later,
> 
> StarRod


	9. Headhunters: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOS READY FOR THE FINALE?!  
> Notme  
> Imneverready

"Grauntie Mabel!"

"Ms. Pines!"

Fiddleford, Stanley, and Stanford hurried over to help the old conwoman up. She coughed a little, embarrassed, but smiled down at the three of them anyway. "Aww, boys, I'm okay, promise. That stature caught me by surprise, that's all."

Stanley then grinned up at his great aunt. "What do you think, Grauntie Mabel? Do you like it?"

"LIKE it?! Kid, I love it!" Stanley laughed as Mabel leaned down to ruffle his hair. "It looks so lifelike- That's what caught me by surprise! It looks just me!"

Stanley's happy, flattered smile made Mabel's expression soften and she leaned on her 8-ball cane with a grin. "Hey short stuff, Ya know what else I'm thinkin'?

"What?" the boys chorused.

"I think we can make a truck load of cash by making a museum out of all this stuff!"

Everyone cheered, enthused by Mabel's optimistic energy, and Stanley piped up, "Wait, since I helped inspire you, what percentage of the earnings do I get?"

The elderly woman smirked. "Dinner. Now go wash yourselves up while I decide how much these rubes have to pay to see my stuff."

-pagebreak-

Later, a stage had been set up in front of the shack and seats had been set up in the dying grass of late May. Banners had been hung up and flyers stapled to telephone poles, bascially pleading the townsfolk of Gravity Falls to come see Ms. Mystery's all new "Spooky Art Museum." Fiddleford was helping everyone to their seats while Stanford and Gideon were in charge of the ticket booth. Stanford raised an eyebrow with a smile.

"Wow, a ton of people showed up for this thing, huh?"

Gideon nodded and took another $25 from an unsuspecting customer. "Yeah, Mabel's surprisingly pretty popular with the locals. I'm surprised that she didn't just bribe them like the last time she just me and Fidds involved in her hare-brained schemes."

Stanford turned towards the white-haired teenager. "What was that about?"

"It involved something called a Caticature. And all the information you're ever going to get is that I do not look flattering when drawn as a cat."

Meanwhile, Stanley was helping Fiddleford carry a keyboard onto the stage. Fiddleford had finished ushering Mabel's customers and was now laughing as Stanley told him a joke. When the blond and the brunet set up the keyboard, Stanley cautiously peeped out at the large crowd that had gathered there to see the museum. He gulped.

"That's a lotta people.... Ya really think they'll want to hear Mabel talk about my sculpture?"

Fiddleford smiled kindly and patted Stanley on the shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll do fine. Better than me, anyway. I don't even know how to work this weird thing." He gestured towards the keyboard. "It's not even mine. Gideon let me borrow it after he borrowed it from one of his friends. So I got a book from the library on how I'm supposed to play it... Anyway, you're going to do great, Stanley."

Stanley smiled softly. "Thanks, Fiddlesticks."

When both preteens had found their places on the stage, and the Mabel statue had been set up in the middle, covered by a sheet, Grauntie Mabel stepped up to the microphone with just the right amount of dramatic flair and a winning smile. She tapped the microphone a tad before speaking. "You all know me folks, town darling Ms. Mystery! Please, ladies and gentlemen, control yourselves. Show a bit of respect for the famous.~"

Here she grinned at the audience, who all gave her a look. This line had obviously been spoken many times before. Mabel coughed. "As you all know, I bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has ever seen! But enough about me. Behold, me!"

At these words Mabel yanked the sheet off the statue with a flourish, presenting the statue. There was a fair amount of applause, which made Stanley beam with pride. 

Then there were some sounds from the keyboard, a bolt of lightning, a duck quacking, then the sound of someone making an anxious noise while hurriedly flipping through pages. Gideon stood up from the ticket booth, cupped his hands to his mouth, and yelled, "THE FANFARE'S THE FOURTH ONE FROM THE LEFT!"

Then there was a fanfare from the keyboard, and a shouted reply of "THANKS!" from Fiddleford. Some members of the audience clapped and laughed good-naturedly.

Mabel shot her employees a jolly wink and a smile before gesturing towards Stanley. "And now, featuring the wondrous creator of that sculpture, our very own MichaelStangelo!!"

Stanley waved and smiled at the audience when Mabel handed him the microphone. "Thank you all for coming!" He cried. "I made this statue with my own two hands!" He threw up his arm that wasn't holding the microphone. "It's covered with my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!"

There were choruses of "Ugh!" And "Eww!" From the audience and Mabel was quick to snatch the microphone back from her great nephew. "Hehe, isn't he great folks? Now, go inside and pay for things!!"

-Pagebreak-

Mabel had hit a big break with her new business strategy. People were practically crawling to come pay to look at "haunted art," and Stanley was only too glad to get some recognition out of it as well. He and Fiddleford had set up a little velvet rope and curtain for the Mabel Statue and everything. 

A few nights later, Mabel was bidding Stanford goodnight as she headed up to bed, counting the stack of bills she held with a smirk. Both Fiddleford and Gideon had gone home earlier in the evening and Stanley had been exhausted. He was probably already asleep in the bedroom they shared.

Stanford sighed a little as we walked throught the gallery, glancing for the umpteenth time at the various Guertena works that decorated the wooden walls. He gave an involuntary shudder, the paintings and headless statues still always creeped him out.

After about fifteen minutes of walking with no exit in sight (although he did pass a sculpture of a rose entitled "Embodiment of Spirit" about four times now), Ford realized that he was hopelessly lost. How had the room become this big? And were there really that many shelves in the room? Was Stanford really that naive? Ford luckily had a box of matches in his pocket (he always kept one handy just in case the power went out, seeing as that was a common occurrence in Glass Shard Beach). And lit one cautiously.

Ford was about to just give up and call for help when he heard a little girl's voice from not too far away. 

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Stanford's head whipped around. "Yeah, I'm here! Where are you?" He responded. He had never heard that voice before... Was it a customer that had gotten separated from her family?

Ford turned a corner or two and eventually found a young girl standing in front of him. Maybe nine years old, she was short and had long blonde hair. She wore a green dress with a blue bow hanging from her collar, and had matching bright blue eyes. She smiled up at Ford. "Hi, I'm Mary! Are you lost here too?"

He nodded. "Yes, I am. My name's Stanford Pines. But why are you here? Are you a tourist and can't find your parents?"

The little girl, Mary, nodded, a little slowly. "Yes." She responded. "I'm a...tourist."

"Great! Then we can just find our way out together!"

The two of them wandered around the now enormous gallery for quite some time, Mary filling the silent void with her constant chatter and curious questions. Stanford smiled a little, she kind of reminded him of his twin.

Stanford had also found a single rose in a vase soon after finding Mary; immaculately pruned and a soft peach color. There were only six petals on the rose, though, and it was quite small, but it looked healthy. Ford decided to hang onto it. Maybe it was the embodiment of his spirit or something crazy like that...

Mary seemed to like his rose and constantly asked Ford if she could hold it. "It's very pretty!" She kept saying. "My rose is yellow, but I like your peach rose better! Have you ever had a peach?" And then the conversation would drift elsewhere.

After a little while of no hope, though, her words and questions were beginning to get a little... Weird. 'I mean,' the polydactyl thought to himself, 'as weird as it can get with this girl. She's never seen snow, or eaten a peach, and sings weird-sounding stuff to herself when she thinks I'm not listening...'

"Hey Fordsy!" Mary interjected. "Do you have a mom?"

Stanford blinked. "Yes, I do, but she's in New Jersey right now with my Pop."

"Oh. Do you live in...Jerzy?"

"It's New Jersey, and yes. My brother and I live in Glass Shard Beach; we're just visiting Gravity Falls for the summer."

Mary nodded. "That's good. Is your mom nice?"

Stanford gave a small chuckle as the two of them reached a bookshelf. Over near them was another shelf littered with drawing and painting tools. He replied "Usually, but not when she's angry." But Mary had cried "Colored pencils!!" And ran over to the shelf without even bothering to listen to what the twelve year-old had to say.

Stanford hid a slightly miffed look as he walked over to the bookshelf and picked up a book entitled "Collected Works of Guertena", which sounded interesting. He flipped through it, and stopped at the M page. He gaped at what he saw.

Right there, at the begining of the M section, was a painting of a girl that looked exactly like Mary, from her odd clothing to the yellow roses loomed at the bottom of the work. He looked down at the description, stunned.

'The last work of Guertena's life. While the girl appears almost lifelike, naturally, she is not based on a real person.'

Stanford's jaw dropped and he turned back to where Mary was standing. She was singing to herself again and turning a sharp palette knife over in her hands. Stanford gulped. 'Was Mary... A painting brought to life? It's not that improbable, considering everything else in the town..' Stanford thought. He cleared his throat, and Mary turned to look at him.

Stanford began to feel small beads of sweat on his forehead and he gave a nervous smile. "Listen, Mary, I need to go. I need to, uh, head up to bed. I probably won't see you again, so, haha... See Ya later?" He awkwardly stuttered out, then almost slapped himself for how moronic it sounded.

Mary gave him a confused look and an odd smile. "But... Fordsy, I thought I was your friend! And friends treat friends right, don't they? Cmon, you can just stay with me!"

"Right, sure, but really, I gotta go...." Stanford hastily turned around and tried to walk away. He didn't like that smile. But he froze when he felt something cold at his throat. 

He glanced down and his eyes widened in terror when he saw the palette knife this throat, and Mary holding it theremenacingly with a terrifying smile. 

"But I want us to stay together.... Together, forever...!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you had a happy holiday! And now back to the daily grind, sigh.
> 
> But I hoped you all liked this chapter! Kudos to those who found out that this "episode" is based off of the Indie horror game Ib, by the way! 
> 
> And YO, UNDERTALE FANS! LISTEN UP!! 
> 
> I've been considering writing an Undertale/Gravity Falls crossover (starring Mabel as Frisk) for a while now. I actually have part of the first chapter written, but I want to know if you guys would be interested in something like that. It would be in the crossover section, naturally, but I wanted to give you all a heads up. Could you please tell me if you'd want to read something like that? Thanks a ton! (A METTA TON!!)
> 
> See you all soon!  
> -Star


	10. Headhunters: Part Three

Ford was stuck. He froze, his feet rooting to the spot, as Mary held the palette knife closer to his throat. Ford gulped, his Adam's apple just barely grazing the sharp end of the knife. Mary giggled, a terrifying grin spreading across her young face. "Cmoooooon, Fordsy~" she cooed, "it'll be so much fun! We can have parties, and you can meet all my friends! In fact, I'll introduce you right now!"

At Mary's words, all the Guertena paintings lept off the wall and his sculptures started to walk around with eerie, grotesque noises. A portrait of a woman in red, a painting of a long, fanged snake, and the terrifying headless mannequins all slowly made their way towards the polydactyl. He glanced quickly at the Mary, who smiled at him devilishly. "You're going to love it here, Ford. Come on, just stay with me!"

Stanford's mind raced at a mile a minute. What could he do? Where was his best chance of escape? His mind thought of a bookshelf full of sharp sculpting tools thay he could defend himself with several blocks away. That could work. Now how to get away from this maniac...

Thinking quickly, Stanford raised his foot and stomped down on Mary's shoes as hard as he could. Mary shrieked in pain and Ford immediately raced away, his mind only focused on getting away from the living paintings. He heard the Mary yell, "OWIE! Alright guys, after him! I need his spirit to leave!"

His... Spirit? Did she mean that peach colored rose? Ford felt in his jacket pocket. Oh, thank Moses it was still there. He kept running, passing shelves and dodging artwork until he found the sculpting tools. He grabbed a scalpel, Lord knew what Grauntie Mabel used that for when making art, and then raced off again. 'Oh Moses, where's the door?!' He thought frantically, but then stopped abruptly when he noticed something.

The Mabel statue his twin had crafted was standing there silently, shooting Ford a thumbs-up. Ford blinked. He hadn't seen this before. The statue was standing in front of three paintings, two with their backs facing the wall, but it was more like one and a half.

Two of them Ford wrote off as unhelpful. The first was a portrait of three young men and a young woman, probably all in either their late twenties or early thirties. The woman and one of the men looked a lot alike, both with chocolate brown hair and shining brown eyes. They were encased in a three way hug with the third man. He was taller and significantly larger than the others, and he had a kind smile with large front teeth. The men both wore lab coats and all three were smiling brightly. Thankfully, it wasn't a Guertena work, or he'd be dead by now. He turned the painting back around towards the wall, failing to notice the initials MP in the corner, accompanied by a shooting star.

The second paining was equally unhelpful and twice as hard to look at. It was difficult to tell what the subject of the paining had been, seeing as most of the canvas had been torn to shreds, but it looked like it had depicted something... Something gold, definitely, and in a triangular shape...

Stanford came back to earth with a jolt when he heard Mary's eerie sing-song voice. "Where's Fordsy, huh?~ Where's he hiding? Is he playing hide-and-go-seek?~" Ford shuddered at these words and glanced at the third painting. He beamed.

This one he recognized. It was Mary's painting; he saw it in he book earlier! The only difference was that Mary wasn't in it; she was replaced by a large torn hole in the center. Ford smiled at this. If he could destroy the painting, in theory, that would destroy Mary! He just needed to figure out h-

"THERE he is! Found you, Fordsy!~"

With a noise of fright, Stanford whipped around. There was Mary, grinning evilly and spinning the palette knife around and around in her hands. Her eyes, once bright blue and cheerful, were now soulless and almost devoid of color. In short, for a nine year old girl, she was absolutely horrifying.

The twelve-year old was rooted to the spot, eyes widened in fright. He wanted more than anything to dash away again but he found himself unable to move. Mary stepped closer, and Ford shivered. She smiled at his fear and proceeded tear his jacket from his shoulders, Stanford's six-fingered hands shaking, and then she sorted through the pockets. She pulled the various items out and dropped them on the floor when she was done looking at them.

"A pen... Eww, it's all chewed on." There was a clink as she threw it to the floor. "A notebook. There's some long words and mathy-things, but no pictures." The notepad landed next to the pen. "Some gum wrappers, some change, matches?" Mary gave Ford another one of her creepy smiles. "That's very naughty of you, Fordsy. These aren't for kids."

Mary tossed the small box to the ground as well, and then grinned in delight as she pulled out the item she had undoubtably been looking for... The peach colored rose. "Aha! There it is! Thought you could hide it from me, eh Fordsy? Aww, but I thought you liked me!"

Ford couldn't do anything but just stare at the painting girl in shock.

"I know!" She crowed, holding the flower close and grabbing one of the petals, "Maybe the rose can tell me, huh? Let's see... He loves me...~"

She tore one of the six petals off of the rose and Stanford felt a white hot pain shoot through his body. He cried out and collapsed to his knees, shivering and gasping for breath. He didn't know why, but if the flower was damaged, he got hurt.

"He loves me...not!~"

Another peach colored petal was ripped from the rose, and Ford screamed. His eyes were welling up with tears behind his Wayfer glasses, and he collapsed onto all fours.

"He loves me!~"

The twelve year old could no longer see. The pain was blinding him, and he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks. The pain was unbearable...!

"He loves me not!"

He screamed again, but in the pain-ridden, addled recesses of his mind, Stanford got an idea. It was stupid, but it just might save his life.

Before Mary could have a chance to ask the flower of he loved her, Ford began to crawl forward. He reached out a trembling hand and picked up one of the spilled matches from the dropped matchbox. Ford struggled to get to his feet, wheezing slightly, and Mary smirked.

"Really Fordsy? You're gonna try and hurt me when I have your spir-"

Mustering up all of his remaining strength, Ford struggled forward and slapped the flower out of Mary's hands. She gasped. Ford smirked, though tiredly, and picked up the rose with unsteady balance. He moved towards the painting, and Mary cried out when Ford struck a match on the frame.

Grinning triumphantly, Ford threw the match at the painting and smiled as he watched it burn.

A thick, blood-curdling screech sounded through the ginormous room as Mary fell to the ground. "F-Ford..." She croaked out, looking up at him with tears in her eyes, "All I wanted was to get out..."

That was when Ford fell unconscious.

-pagebreak-

When Stanford woke up, he was in bed.

He sat up and then immediately wished he hadn't, a sudden headrush making his head pound. The snores from his sleeping twin brother weren't helping either. He looked over at the long dresser he and Stanley shared on their large bedroom, and saw the peach rose sitting in a vase. All the petals were back on, which he didn't understand but was too worn out to question. Ford put on his glasses and slowly walked over.

Barely giving himself a glance in the mirror, Stanford gently picked up the rose and examined it. It looked completely fine. He tugged lightly on one of the petals and then slowly plucked it, expecting pain, but nothing happened. The polydactyl hummed in thought as he put the rose back in the vase. There was also a pink note and a glass of water on the dresser, which Ford gratefully accepted. He looked over the note (written in his great aunt's curly handwriting) and sipped at the water, not even noticing the petal appearing back on the rose.

'Dear Ford,

I hope you're feeling better. You didn't look so good when I found you outside the studio earlier, you were all pale and shivering and clutching at an almost bare flower. Don't worry, I put in the vase for you. And it's fine now!

Weird though... When I was cleaning up in the studio (geez, who knew tourists could make such a mess?) my twin of a statue had its head lopped off. I glued it back on, thankfully, but I think I'll close down the museum of people are going to vandalize my nephew's artwork.

Anyways, if it's still nighttime when you're reading this, go back and get some sleep. You nerd types need your rest. If you feel up to it in the morning I might even let you and your brother make breakfast. Stanley said something about...Stancakes? Something like that.

NOW GO BACK TO SLEEP, NERD!

Sweet dreams,

MP.'

And there was a drawing of a shooting star next to the initials. Ford signed, laid the note back on the dresser, and headed back to his bed. Grauntie Mabel was right, he was tired...

But he had some journaling to do first.

Pulling the retrieved notebook from his jacket, which was hanging in the big bureau closet in the back of the room, Stanford turned on a penlight and chewed his pen as he pondered how to catalog his entry.

He eventually decided on this:

'ANOMALY #2: "MARY"

Grauntie Mabel's Art studio contained a plethora of works painted and sculpted by the artist Weiss Guertena, who apparently also cursed his works. Among those was a painting of a little girl named Mary, who is the most frightening creature I've ever seen.

She at first seemed innocent, but then proved to have murderous tendencies. She was after my spirit, or a little peach rose that seemed to work like some form of voodoo. She almost defeated me, but I managed to destroy her at the last second by burning the painting from which she came from.

The author was right, you really can't trust anyone...'

He also included a small sketch of what he could remember of Mary's features, and a sketch of the rose. He'd make it look better tomorrow.

With a breathy sigh, Ford shut the little notebook and turned off his own light. Without bothering to take off his glasses, Stanford Pines rolled over and prepared himself for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!
> 
> Haha, hope my Mary was creepy enough for you Ib fans... How did I do?
> 
> Did any of you see that GF special tonight? I didn't, but I'm going to look it up soon. I bet it was interesting at least!
> 
> And hey! All those interesting in my Gravity Falls/Undertale Crossover, it's been released! It's called GravityTale and is among my other works! The next part will be updated soon!
> 
> That's all the news I have for right now! Please make sure to check out my other stories or my RoleSwap AU forum! And don't be afraid to ask me anything!
> 
> See Ya soon,
> 
> Star
> 
> D SHDFK FRRUHG URVH FDQ PHDQ PDQB WKLQJV, EXW WKH RQH WKDW PRVW DSSOLHV WR IRUG LV "FORVLQJ WKH GHDO."

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be an AU parody of the actual show WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
> 
> So yay, RoleSwap AU! I'm gonna make a post soon about which character is which, I'll reblog it when I'm done.
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER IS HEADHUNTERS: PART THREE! ^.^


End file.
